Pamela Sue Foster Leachman

I miss my mom. Her birthday is coming soon. I miss her more with every day that passes.
Pulmonary Hypertension Association 

A Few Things

Hmmm, I realized that it's been a while since I blogged. I don't know why because there is so much to say about what is going on in our lives. But maybe that's why... we have so much going on right now it's hard for me to wrap my brain around it, much less blog it. I guess I'll just throw some random things out here for prosperity, but don't expect it to make much sense. Seriously, my brain is out of whack right now.

I am now a little over 6 1/2 months pregnant with Phoebee. This pregnancy is flying by to me! I can't believe I'm so far along. I'm due Sept 12th, but I know I'll be induced in August, probably the last week, which means I only have about 12 weeks (or less) left. Wow! I'm very excited to meet her and completely scared too. I'm not really scared to have another baby, I'm scared because of the current financial situation we are in. For those that don't know, Jeff is losing his job. I guess technically he's already lost it. We pretty much found out his job was going away and then a couple of weeks later found out I was pregnant. ~Happy New Year to us~

This month is at 50% pay and July will be 20% pay and August is zilch, zip, zero, nada. We will have insurance through September. Then I don't know what happens. I don't even know what happens now and next month. How are we going to pay our bills and feed our family? And not to mention another baby coming in less than 12 weeks!?!? I don't know. I just don't know.

I've been missing my mom a lot lately too. Not just the normal 'I miss her', but the angry 'I miss her'. As in I need her. Here. With me. I don't care that she's in a better place or that she's not suffering anymore. I need her to help me. I'm angry that God took her from me before we got to have a real relationship! I don't care that I'm going to see her again one day. I want to see her now! I want her back! It's not fair, I need her. I want her. Why can I not have my mom? Why could she not meet Jeff or be at my wedding? Why could she not have been there when Marlee was born to stay with me in the hospital or when Phoebee will be born, to come be with me? Why was she taken so soon that Shareen barely remembers her? I want to hold her and I want her to hold me and tell me she loves me. I want to tell her I love her. I really, really miss her. I feel very alone.

I guess that's all for now since Marlee won't let me sit here any longer...