Oh Phoebee, where are you?

I am 39 weeks pregnant today and still no sign of my sweet Phoeb being ready to come out and play! I know that I will be induced Wednesday, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. However, I really wanted to go into labor on my own because I hate being induced! The past couple of days I've had a few contractions, but nothing major. They go away as soon as I change positions so I know they're not the real thing. But whenever Phoebee is ready, so am I!

We still don't have a middle name for this little girl. I have a few ideas, but I want to see her first. Meet her, get to know her, snuggle with her, kiss on her. I can't wait! The middle name is going to be a tough one though because I'm kind of torn between several. Oh well, we'll figure it out once she makes her arrival!

Oh Phoebee, where are you? Mommy, Daddy, Reen and Marls are ready for you!

A Few Things

Hmmm, I realized that it's been a while since I blogged. I don't know why because there is so much to say about what is going on in our lives. But maybe that's why... we have so much going on right now it's hard for me to wrap my brain around it, much less blog it. I guess I'll just throw some random things out here for prosperity, but don't expect it to make much sense. Seriously, my brain is out of whack right now.

I am now a little over 6 1/2 months pregnant with Phoebee. This pregnancy is flying by to me! I can't believe I'm so far along. I'm due Sept 12th, but I know I'll be induced in August, probably the last week, which means I only have about 12 weeks (or less) left. Wow! I'm very excited to meet her and completely scared too. I'm not really scared to have another baby, I'm scared because of the current financial situation we are in. For those that don't know, Jeff is losing his job. I guess technically he's already lost it. We pretty much found out his job was going away and then a couple of weeks later found out I was pregnant. ~Happy New Year to us~

This month is at 50% pay and July will be 20% pay and August is zilch, zip, zero, nada. We will have insurance through September. Then I don't know what happens. I don't even know what happens now and next month. How are we going to pay our bills and feed our family? And not to mention another baby coming in less than 12 weeks!?!? I don't know. I just don't know.

I've been missing my mom a lot lately too. Not just the normal 'I miss her', but the angry 'I miss her'. As in I need her. Here. With me. I don't care that she's in a better place or that she's not suffering anymore. I need her to help me. I'm angry that God took her from me before we got to have a real relationship! I don't care that I'm going to see her again one day. I want to see her now! I want her back! It's not fair, I need her. I want her. Why can I not have my mom? Why could she not meet Jeff or be at my wedding? Why could she not have been there when Marlee was born to stay with me in the hospital or when Phoebee will be born, to come be with me? Why was she taken so soon that Shareen barely remembers her? I want to hold her and I want her to hold me and tell me she loves me. I want to tell her I love her. I really, really miss her. I feel very alone.

I guess that's all for now since Marlee won't let me sit here any longer...

My Sweet Babies

I can't believe I'm halfway through my pregnancy now! I've been feeling little fluttery movements for a couple of weeks. I guess it won't be long until I start to feel the big stuff! Monday is my 20 week ultrasound. Although I already know I'm having a girl, I can't wait to see her on the screen again. This time she will be much bigger than the last time I got to see her. We'll get lots of pics and a dvd of the ultrasound. Fun stuff! We've settled on the name Phoebee for her first name, but no middle name yet. Jeff and I both loved it so it was easy to pick. ~Phoebe (Phoebee) - Greek origin - Bright, shining one~  The name Phoebe can also be found in Romans. Although she is only mentioned briefly, it seems that she was a great help to many people, including Paul. I wish we knew more about her, but I'm ready to know MY Phoebee too!

For all who don't know, Marlee took a major spill at the McWane Center and totally smacked her face on one of the toys (a step-on piano) and knocked some teeth a little loose. We have to watch for the next 2 weeks for abcesses or discoloring and she can't bite or chew anything on the front. Pain in the butt for me, but I hope her teeth aren't permanently damaged or she doesn't lose them. Before that fiasco, we finally gave up the pacifier (Sunday, April 18)! We read a book about it and picked a day to put them in an envelope and send them away to babies who needed them. She has been great with it! Asked for it a few times, but once I remind her what we did with them, or sometimes she reminds me, she's fine again. Sweet kid. She amazes me how much knows and understands at two years old! She loves to sing and has an imagination that is out of this world. She loves to be outside, digging in the dirt, playing with leaves and rocks and sticks... so active. Never slows down!

Shareen is testing her boundaries as a teenager! Typical of teenagers I guess, but boy is it hard. Anybody who complains about the terrible twos has never had a teenager! I don't know if it's a girl thing or a teenage thing but whew! She is trudging along in school, driving (legally!) and playing the big sis role well for Marlee. Marlee adores her sissy! Shareen plays with her and helps me a little when I need it. Of course, money is usually involved. "I'll give you $5 to stay here with Marlee while she's napping so I can go to the store." Something like that.... but still a help. Shareen has lots of babysitting jobs lined up for the summer and I'm happy she has the opportunity to make some money (and pitch-in on the car insurance). She will also be volunteering at the Leeds library a bit this summer so she is going to be super busy (which is how she likes it!).

Well, that's it for now. Just wanted to have a little update post on all my princesses. For everyone to read, but mostly for me...

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

We just found out we are having a girl! I'm only 16 weeks and it was tough to get the little chick to spread those legs, but it looks like we are being blessed with another sweet precious baby girl in September! Luckily I'm pretty prepared since I already have two of them. Hair products here we come!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Wow! So much has happened since the last time I blogged.

I found out I was pregnant (yay! due in Sept), had tons of blood work done, had a 'my baby is not viable' scare, got put in the hospital because of my blood sugar (I'm a type 2 diabetic), got put on insulin (5 injections a day), got to hear my baby's heart beat, started potty training my 2 yro daughter and my oldest daughter turned 16! Whew!

In the midst of all of that, I have also changed the way I view my family. I feel more of a need to put them first, which is actually hard for me to do. I always THINK I'm putting them first, but really I don't. I end up sacrificing them because I put myself at the beck and call of everyone else. My mom use to do that and I remember as a child thinking "I wish she spent as much time with us as she does running around helping everybody else!" and telling myself I would never be that way, and yet I am. It is so hard for me to tell people no. No, no, no, no, NOOOO! Feels good. Too bad I can't do it in person...

Oh well, more to come soon I hope.